long day...head feels heavy

I am bored...

i love lost. marcia should be in it.

I am sexy? (my mirror disagrees-screw it) Do i radiate sex? (my sis laughed when i told her this. she said i will make a good contraceptive) Just one glance at me and do u get turned on? (if bratt pitt was behind my shoulder..)

I mean what is wrong with my body image? okay for starters, i am not exactly fit. (not exactly fit is an understatement) i feel i am too tall...not look-at-me-i-am-a-tree-standing-on-a-tree-tall (! lol..weird imagery) but tall among other people..i am not saying that i have hobbit-sized friends, but it is difficult to get a proper eye line...

Okay back to the hospital scene

Hmm. The nurse took out the cotton wool from my nose. About 3 cm long. It was…

Fucking Painful.

It hurt. Like shit.

And I had to go through it twice. One cotton wool for one nostril. Twice the f-king pain.

Super fucked up. After that, while allowing me to recover from the shock for having a massive cotton wool, harden by blood, to be pulled out of my nose, my parents were giggling away.

Why?

Because a trail of mucus was left behind. Hanging out.

-_-!

2 doctors, 3 nurses and my dad had to calm me down before they took out the other cotton wool from my left nostril.

My internal wound has stopped bleeding and it is safe for now. The wound was stitched up and that was another painful procedure. The cotton wool thing was placed there to re-adjust my nose wall. Looks much better. But not normal.

Sigh.

My sister said I am so accident prone. Inviting disaster to myself. And the remarkable thing about it is that, in any major/minor accident/incident, my nose was always involved. Always the nose.

So my brother added. “His nose is accident prone. Inviting disaster to it.”

Hardy-har-har.

The insurance man came today and visited me. Looks like my accident was a winfall for the family. Everyone was super delighted. I wasn’t. I didn’t know. I got this feeling. Weird feeling. Indescribable.

Suppress…...Suppress…suppress………done. Gone.

*smiles*

Melina came over today. My big-mouth sis told her.

Melina: Hello xxx *me*! Buahahhahahhahahahhaahhaha!

Me: -_-. Why are you laughing?

Melina: Omigod. Your nose.! Buahahahahaha

Me: Can you please stop laughing at my nose?

Melina: Nope. Your voice now. Donald Duck ahhahaha.

Me: *laughs along. If I was in Melina’s shoes and if someone else was lying there, I will be laughing my ass off.*

Melina: So tell me everything.* her tone was super serious now. Scared me a little. Parents left for work. My sister went back for school. My brother went to watch a movie. Me alone with Melina. *

Half-way throughout my story, another friend came. He laughed. Melina laughed. And I kicked both of them. Repeated my story for him.

They came up with this conclusion.

That when I am feeling down (seen something I didn’t like, heard something I didn’t like, experience something I didn’t like), I will stop talking to my close friends. I have done it to alpy and sok in secondary school. I have done it to people in my msn. I have done it to Melina and Christ. I have done it to my parents. I have done it to hao and zell. And now I did it again.

Then I asked. Why do you think I stop talking?

Try to forget things? Said that friend. Just want to be alone. With people who hardly know you? Added Melina.

Hmm. I mean. For this incident. I saw something I didn’t like. Then I shunned zell and hao. Not that I am angry with them. Just need to be away. I don’t know why I do this.

I tend to do this. Always. I just want to forget what I saw. What I felt.

Melina: You have done this to me a thousand times. Firstly I felt something was wrong with me. Then I thought something wrong with you. Soon I realized this is how u deal with things you don’t like.

Me: When did you realize this?

Melina: Long time ago. 5 years back. We realized it on birthday I think. Not sure when it was. But we had an idea how to solve it.

Me: You know, you make me sound like I am retarded. Okay tell what it is. Your idea.

Melina: Our attention. That’s all. You keep shunning, we keep ignoring it and we pretend nothing happened. And extra loving.

Me: Super wtf?

Melina: That is the answer. Just talk to you normally. More attention. More love. After that. After you get better, things will return to normal.

Me: You make me sound spoilt.

Melina: Whatever it is, that is the cure.

Me: *am I that self-centered.*

Melina and that friend soon left and my mother came back and started to pack up my things. I was going to be discharged today. My nose is a-okay. I told her about everything. The ‘me-shunning-people-away’ problem and about hao and zell. I asked her what she and my dad will do when I do this.

Mother: Talk normally to you. Except I give you more attention. And just love you more. *how freaking coincidental is that. Exactly the same with what Melina said *

Me: You will still do it even though if I pissed you off or you are not in good mood?

Mother: I am always not in the mood. Haha but I will still do it. I don’t want to lose you. *smiles*

Me: *smiles* what about my two friends? And hao?

Mother: hao? What a weird name. One thing he has to know is that XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX. *private conversation now*

Me: *smiles*

Mother: Okay let’s steal some hospital supplies now.

You're A Crazy Drunk

When you drink, you get wrecked - and it ain't pretty.

You Should Get a JD (Juris Doctor)

You're logical, driven, and ruthless. You'd make a mighty fine lawyer.

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when everything is uncertain, one moment heaven... the next moment hell. You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring. You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as something you can get or discard anytime. You're feeling self centered.